Hi….. I’m depressed and even I know it.I don’t know how it started or what triggered it but I just know I am. I’m a part 5 law student in a Nigerian University and I don’t even know if that’s what I want to do.Everyone around me seems to know what they wanna do with their life but I don’t and this has always bothered me.
Then there’s my family. We are not rich but we’re very comfortable.My parents gave birth to 2 children; I’m the eldest,a girl,then my younger brother.My dad is the type that is around but distant,I mean he lives with us and provides what we need,but we’re just not close to him like we are we with my mum,I even barely sit and talk to him unless it’s important.
My mum on the other side , even though always around have chosen a favourite child,who is my brother and she doesn’t hesitate to make it obvious.This has taken a huge toll on my self esteem.I mean if I’m a 2nd choice to my mum,then something is definitely wrong with me.Anytime school is on break and I’m home, I do all the chores without help most times and when I report my bro to my mum on any matter,the blame somehow falls back on me and I stopped reporting him.
I have quite a few friends,some from childhood and others when I grew up.I find it very difficult to make friends and even the few I have,none of them can say I’m their best friend,I’m always a choice to them and this has done more damage to my self esteem and has always made me feel like a pushover.
Then there’s my boyfriend of 4 years, we’ve been dating since my part 1 in the university,when we got to part 3, I found out he has been cheating on me with his so called neighbor and all the feelings I had for him went down the drain.It didn’t even take long for me to forgive him and continue the relationship because I’m scared of how lonely I will be without him, he’s been present in my life for the past four years.We had a fight about another girl few weeks ago and I told him I was done,only for him to upload on his WhatsApp status and directly call me a toy he has used well.He apologized after uploading that and I still accepted his apology.I Know I’m pathetic but I’m just scared of being alone, I don’t even love him anymore.
I also discovered something in my life, it’s the fact that if everyone has something the easy way,when I decide to do mine,it’s always the hard way and that’s if I even get to do it at all, nothing comes easy for me and it makes me wonder if I’m destinied for negativity
All these events made me come to the conclusion that I’m good for nothing and will always be a second choice,if not the last choice for people.I’ve also thought about past events where people have stepped on me,hurt my feelings and made me feel like a pushover and I didn’t even complain because I don’t know what to say and I hate being embarrassed.I feel like I need a therapy and that’s why I’m here and it sincerely hope that you would be able to help me.
Anonymous
Everything would fall into place but the power is in your hand. Growing up my mum also made me feel I was not good enough even without her realizing, more attention was given to my elder and younger brother. Growing up I feel second or last to everything they so made me feel that I don’t even know anything and i would not do well in life. But then today am doing better than just well am doing very good.
I years back decided that either am love or not i must love myself and do good to me it, once you learn to love you first it brings you good energy that people can connect to. Joint fellowship activities be among possitive thinker, be closer to God, feel his peace and you would realized that you don’t really need people but people needs you.
To be honest now that have kids I realized that my mum was only being human we tend to love one more than the other as I realized I was almost repeating my mums mistake without knowing it and I really love both my kids. Even after I grow enough to confront my mum, I realized she was not even aware of that her actions were affecting me. If you find a good time please call your mum and talk to her.
About your guy you deserved better you are no bodies toy, you are precious in the eye of God.
The gift of happiness truly lies within your own heart and mind. When you wake up in the morning get a mirror and talk positively to yourself. Like “am beautiful ” “am wonderfully made” ” today is a great day for me” ” I forgive all those that have hurt me one way or the other” etc
Note that if we truly want to be happy we need to stop outsourcing our happiness to others people and cultivate a source of inner peace within us we can achieved through through constant positive medication.
No that know matter what you are going through many have also gone through similar things it’s all left to us to make the right decisions “either to allow our current situation to consume us or to overcome it above all odds”
I belive you are stronger than you think you are and I strongly believe you would make the right decisions.
You are loved by Jesus and for now thats all that matter but a smile on your face so you can have a positive stroyto share with someone else going through what you have overcome.
All the best I will see you at the top