I don’t know what category how I feel is but I do

I don’t know what category how I feel is but
I do know that right now I need help
Ever since I was a kid I have always felt different
I always have mixed up feelings which at the end of the day overwhelms me
I had a feeling I went through depression without knowing it was happening to me but I made a mistake of using a guy to get out of the suffocating feeling I felt back then
Then he introduced me to the sexual awareness
I was curious to know more to feel more
Then I found out one way or another but my curiosity turned into something I had least expected
I kept on watching r rated videos and it kept on affecting me
Although in my religion it is totally wrong for an underaged girl to act on her sexual urges
People close to me told me it was normal for a teenager to feel sexual urges but I felt it is wrong every time it happens
I had never felt an euphoric feeling like that before
So I kept on going back to it
Then I ended my relationship with my previous boyfriend
The depressing feeling I had earlier on was threatening to occur again so I started using the euphoric feeling to escape that depressing feeling
But sometimes when I use the it
Instead of having a clear mind
It makes me feel worse and it’s like all the feelings stacked deep down in me just keeps threatening to pop up and I know I would be a mess if that ever happens
I can’t get over the euphoric feeling it’s like an addiction so literally some particular things words trigger my addiction
And i realized I am a worry case
I keep piling up all of my worries, all my feeling
Right now I just fear the moment the feeling gets too much
I don’t know what could possibly happen
So I felt talking to someone who can help me might help even a little