In short I am tired. I am always locked up in the

In short I am tired. I am always locked up in the house. I am expected to not have friends or socialize because I have not yet gotten a course in the university. Both parents insult me, never hesitate to tell me they can easily abandon me. Most times..I think about them and don’t ask for the things I need …I borrow money from the few friends I have and pay back with the little change I save up..iam always being compared.I am an introvert so as expected I really don’t like socializing.They see on my phone and the first thing they think is that I am chatting with a boy.When it is infact the opposite…I am A writer..I write books and my friends say I am very good at it. That is what I do on my phone most of the time…I try to finish a books and submit it to see I’d I can win a writing contest in which they pay money so ixan give to my mum. My mum has suffered in her marriage to my father… I won’t deny ..He is a very authorativ man who believes he is the god of the family..he believes no one should make mistakes…. He believes he provides for the family so we have nothing to think about or be depressed about…. He threatens me and my younger brother with abandonment. .says he is taking it easy on us than how his parents did on him. What he doesn’t know is that the wounds inflicted on him by his parents is lesser than the ones his words inflict on me…I am always compared. They both have suffered I can understand.. But they put their frustrations on me.They shout and say hurtful things and when you cry they call you spoilt and that you don’t take to corrections. I feel less than how I have always felt… Now I feel like I am an investment to them….an investment which they are willing to drop when things are not going properly. An investment that they have to enjoy because they have suffered.
I made a promise to leave their house by the age of 22. I feel numb nowadays
..nothing works for me again like before, songs movies nothing. I am tired