I got out of an abusive relationship 2016 , and me

I got out of an abusive relationship 2016 , and met a new guy 2017 , my new was the perfect definition of love ..first time I felt truly loved . October 4 2018 am incident happened that changed my story forever ..My guy is a smoker , sometimes I indulge in this habit, but on this day we got high , my guy friend was with us that night… we sometimes smoke together , then I slept off and woke up in the middle of the night to kisses and caresses, there was no light so everywhere was dark , I kissed and made love to the figure who woke me up with kisses thinking it was my boyfriend only for me to find out it was my boyfriend friend when the light came on . I was hurt , I cried , because everyone knew how much I loved my boyfriend ..the question was why did he do this to me .. my boyfriend cried with me , stood with me during this period because suicidal thoughts ran in my heart . My boyfriend promised me never to talk about the incident again and wants us to move on, I agreed because I love him …I love him so much , he was my world , my safe place . It’s April 2021 , my boyfriend wants to break up with me , apparently he couldn’t get it off his mind ..I’m broken , depressed, hurt