I’m depressed,trying any means to feel happy,I’m h

I’m depressed,trying any means to feel happy,I’m have asthma,ulcer,appendicitis and an ovarian cyst which means I’m in pain most times, I am just 17,looking for a way to raise my next college fund, and my family is in a constant state of financial crisis,I stay in a toxic environment, have gone through many forms of abuse,having insomnia lately,I just feel helpless most times,I starve myself,can’t feel only numbness,its painful to be alive most times I pray to die.