I have always felt like a burden in my family. I s

I have always felt like a burden in my family. I slept a lot to avoid being shamed. it was my only after-school activity and it has stuck for almost 15 years. it has since been turned against me. my siblings are all currently doing work while I am doing uni online. I wake up to attend classes from 9 am and I nap around 3 until my next class at 5 pm even though I have assignments etc on some days I don’t even get to nap. I also usually feel the need to avoid my emotions after I have been called to do this or that in-between classes. my mother has been saying for the last 5 months that my classes are for me when I am done I have to do something for her. my siblings go out every day. and two are doing unpaid internships. no one is providing for the house but I still have to do extra chores because they are tired from being out all day. these are just recent events, I used to be told that I am all my mothers because my father wanted me to be aborted and it was a religious weak point for him until my mother’s friend saved the day. he doesn’t know that I know this but he treats me like a burden and as his dumping ground. I am not exactly quiet or sweet or demure but still, he looks at me and shouts at me as if I am a corpse and then complains all the time to my mother and his family that I don’t like him because I am insecure and overweight and he scolds me and I seem like a spoilt brat sulking because I have been called out. sometimes people argue with him that I am friendly to them and okay for my height and then he says I want attention and I want to prove I am a good person and that I am not all that and I will be shown by the world my true worth. and today my brother said the same and hit me and my sister took a video and it was surreal i always wondered how people felt when they are abused like that. i was unaware that i am one of them and just like i spaced out trying to cover myself. those women that dont leave dont see themselves being treated like that so they never leave. i am sorry if this is confusing to read iam still very emotional, it is a self fulfilling prophecy. they told me i will have noone to defend me, iw ould have no money and i would be depressed and i shame and i better learn to be patient and persistent if not they wont give me anything,that i needed to be humble. i know my life isnt over but i am heartbroken, i have to be honest wth myself and make tough decisions. this is the only chance i am giving myself to complain before i have to move on and do better for myself and i will tell you the truth when my father was mistreating me i could have fought him back and not lost out on any opportunities that would have made me independant today but i refused to accept the truth about our realtionship, the emotion of sadness that i avoided by sleeping is now what i have to allow in order to progress and i started playing a game of seeing how many people will treat me that before i lose wieght and get rich. i lied to myself. i believed that they only dont like me because they think i am lazy but one day theyll trust me, i had this fantasy that if i lose wieght and get rich they will love me and be relieved i am not a burden, it was a fantasy that turned into my biggest fear. i thought what if i change and they still dont care, and thats the truth they shamed me to shuu me, to keep me away and i didnt understand so i came back always to show off what i had done but they had already decided i wasnt worth it.i have to move out and leave them alone so i dont feel like a burden everyday and get abused and so they can be rid of me. i will have to live with it the sadness of being unwanted but i will be fine.