I was only 13 when my mom left me and younger brot

I was only 13 when my mom left me and younger brother with my dad, sometimes he would not show up for 3 months I became a mother I was left to cater for myself and my brother. My dad was a type of person that would never show you love, and I craved for that occasionally he would visit my school and ask to see his concubines children I am my siblings were always left out and whenever he would come home he would always bring different ladies on different occasions,we grow up seeing that,and also bcus my dad was barely home and my mom left us I learnt a lot of things from friends at age 14 I already had my first boyfriend in church he thought me a lot of things bcus I was still naive…Fast forward to school I continued the legacy my father left behind same thing with my siblings am 24 and have lost count of the number of guys have dated,I can begin to go into details…I also dated a married man I had to cut ties with him recently bcoz I wanted to be a new person,and I had to make all this decision mostly because of money I lost my dad before I gained admission it was not easy for my mom I had work during the holidays there were times I cried my eyes out bcus there was no money,I also thought of deferring my admission one time but I had to stretch myself.i dated a med student for 2 years plus I left him.. bcus I easily get attracted to guys that is also responsible for the number of guys I dated. Recently I had to apologize to him bcuz I couldn’t sleep..I think about him a lot and the memories of every wrong choices have made keep hunting me, I wake up in the night to cry.I made a wrong investment decision during my nysc and I lost all the money I saved.that’s what opened the door of depression and am also Bipolar and have lost a lot of friends as a result of that..am lonely, bitter, angry, depressed..I wish I was never born …to top it all I can’t get a good paying job despite graduating with a good grade and there’s no money to further to help with that.i feel like all the choices have made in life is wrong…I didn’t plan for this day… currently am not in any relationship and am not sure am going to be any time soon…Did I tell you that I also have phobia for marriage bcus of what happened with my parents, Am here paying for their mistake..