Hello again🙂 I thought ill stop coming here. Ive

Hello again🙂
I thought ill stop coming here.
Ive been facing a series of challenges.
My boyfriend cheated in june, he did not sleep with someone else, but he was close to her in a way that he should have been close to me. I left him earlier in the year, because i had an expectation that i was teaching him to love. Anyways, to cut this story short, i felt really guilty for leaving making him lonley enough to find company with the girl. I found out when i read his chat, i confronted him about it he said he was sorry he was going to stop talking to her he never did till the third time.

Anyways i made the decition to forgive him and try to work it out and heal, its two months, i still have nightmares, sometimes , i am very insecure i cannot stop going to look at her photos on ig, and just wonder why, sometimes i try to see her in person, i dont know why, i think i may just want to see her and maybe pity her, or see some innocence or some reason why i should not hate her lethally. Recently, the wordings of the chat are floating through my head and its driving me crazy. I dont know if its safe to discuss it with my boyfriend, i dont know if he can understand. I am trying my best to move past it. It cannot be undone and i know it.🙃 i just really wish he never had done it. He never had put me here.