i am going through alot lately, i grew up with my

i am going through alot lately, i grew up with my aunt who messed up with my mental health, and all the guys i dated looking for love from them one way or the other ,we ended up not marrying, because i lost my parents when i was 4, so i started living with my aunty that made me start looking fr love in men, i couldnt get closer to God, now i grew up got a job in the bank,got married,even though my hubby is not financially bouyant, but my sister inlaw doesnt like me, we got married,had a child,i started planning on how to make leave the country because i have been going through emotional trauma. i lost my job in the bank. i started all over again, but i am already reaching 35yrs, couldnt get abetter job again, all my auntys children abroad dont even communicate with me thanks to their mum, and through out a year i lost my job, nobody gave me one naira to even help, even when my hubby was managin. i was at home for a year plus and even when i got pregnant i had to use drugs to flush it out, now i got a job which i cant even save one naira, my inlaws saw me as someone that is not doing well, my hubby struggling., through out the year i was at home after bank sacked me, i had to sleep with man to be giving me money, because my hubby couldnt really do much, did that to support me. now am really sad, things are not working the way i wanted, inlaw seeing me as a failure, my aunty and her children dont care whether i exist and my daughter, i am getting older, no achievement, i am fed up with the whole thing. i pray to God more now seems its not even working, i drink alcohol everyday to sleep, like if i didnt have a child, i would have commited suicide, i am fed up.what should i do with my life. if i upolad my picture on social media, my inlaw with start subbing me that someone that is not doing well with their lives. i keep crying everyday everynight for help. i dont have help. i take care of my things myself. my hubby cant do much cos he is managing. i am getting old, dont even know where to start from, i applied for jobs in different places to get better offer, nothing is coming, my cousins dont even see me as if i exist because i dont have anything to offer them.i need help