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Well, I just found truthshare because I think I'm at the end of my road, in another depressive episode all I feel right now is fear, I want to die but I also don't want to die cause I have people that care about me and I also want to prove to myself that I'm stronger than this.. I actually don't know what to say cause I usually don't talk about how I feel cause I have no one to talk to I grew up in my head cause growing up I didn't talk about my feelings much cause no one cared, anytime I think about my childhood all I see is darkness and all I feel is sadness pain and unloved and it scares me cause all I have is sad memories I think I'll end it here cause I can't go further and this is my first time writing I just wish I'll get better cause I want to work on myself I'm growing into an adult and I don't want to be like this anymore I've ruined so many beautiful relationships I had and I'm ruining more and all I can think of is dieing and I don't want to I think there are so many things ahead of me but right now I'm holding on the tip of the life's rope Someone should help me Only if I can find a therapist