I was in a relationship for 5 years and we were in

I was in a relationship for 5 years and we were in love with each other , i was the jealous type and even right at that she once cheated on me and I forgave her. There was an ugly incident that broke out year 2020 between us, we had a misunderstanding that day and she suddenly wanted a breakup, I left without a word saying nothing, she called me the next day and I was too busy to pick up, I decided to see her in the evening privately because I missed her and I was moody , while I saw her, she started insulting me saying I should get lost , I got so angry that I slapped her , I have never laid my hand on a woman so I was shocked, I cried a lot, knelt down and I begged her but she left in a hurry , a week later she called and she forgave me and we dated again. Then after a while I realized I have lost a lot of respect from her, she would talk to me anyhow, remind me of what I did sometimes. It started becoming an off and on relationship, she would suddenly block me and after we would be close, I loved her a lot and I thought with time and love and patient she would forget about it but no she didn’t. She broke up with me last year after an argument with her. She blocked me. March this year she decided to unblock me and she texted me. She told me she was messed up, she couldn’t love anyone like me and she wished we would be close, I was single and I had worked more on myself. After that we got close and we had sex but we weren’t dating , Last week she suddenly told me she is ready to move on with one of those guys she dated after me but she is still hoping we would be friends. I have been hurt a lot and insulted. I don’t know what to do and I would like to get help regarding my anger issues. Have been reading books on it, I just need help to believe in myself that I would never do that because whenever I think about it I feel so bad .