It’s 1:19am here and I feel like dying. My mind is in so much pain I can feel it on my fingers.. what is this life about exactly? I don’t know if I’m meant to be here nothing feels right or rather I do not remember what feels right anymore. I’m. In constant fear and pain. It’s been 1yr+ since he died but nothing seems to make sense. I really want life to have meaning but it doesn’t seem to work. Everyone would blame me if I kill myself but know one really cares in the end. I really want to say all that’s in my mind but ………. I am too scared to.