I have constantly consoled myself with the idea of

I have constantly consoled myself with the idea of second chances.
I’ve failed too many times since I left high school and it’s only understandable why I should give up
I waste money and time and energy but still it’s not my best and so I fail and only get depressed at the end.
My heart hurts
my mind is so loud
Everyone seems to have everything figured out
Why am I this unlucky
What am I doing wrong
I hate my life so much
I don’t even know myself anymore
And I shut my friends off
Nobody knows me anymore
And my 20th birthday is coming up
What’s worth celebrating
I want to give up
I want to just disappear
to go
I only regret not giving up long ago
Because now there’s too much invested in ny story I feel so bad
For the false hope my family have in me
In my career
I’m not worth their love and care
I’m tired
My mom
Her perfect kids and then there’s me
My brothers
I’ve only wanted to be a good sister to them
A good example
But I’ve messed up too much
I’m tired
My dad
He’s still alive at least in my dreams
I miss you so much and I want to make everything right just because of you
But I’m tired
I am only a shadow now
Nobody sees it yet
I will be gone before they do