I am in a relationship with a man who sees communication as sex. He doesn’t feel cool with me interacting with other guys and seems pissed when he sees my chat with other male folks(two actually), he says I am giving them room to flirt. One is a friend, the other acquaintance and colleague who’s shown interest in me.
Had to stop chatting them. Now I feel terrible and lonely because my man is the only one I really communicate with and when we have a misunderstanding he threatens me with calling it quit because he has this notion that couples shouldn’t have a misunderstanding that will lead to hurting the other. I think he doesn’t understand me as a woman, he wants me to do things a certain way he believes is the right way even when I try to explain to him my thinking process so as to understand me better he insists. He says things like “go and ask others, they will confirm that’s the right way” or “I wasn’t brought up that way” (referring to my statement or explaining the reason I reacted a certain way) or “if you value this relationship you will listen to and obey me as your head, cos I am supposed to lead and protect you” or ” this is a red flag, I don’t think I can leave with that”.
Truth is I have been taking to corrections but it makes me feel invalid and have no thought or mind of my own.
I really don’t like his school of thought. I really don’t have friends and the only ones I talk to I have cut them off kinda.
We had a misunderstanding which lead to a break(he suggested it) and I agreed to it cos I was tired of his threats. I tried talking things over with him and agreed to say sorry when ever I hurt him without having to explain my own side. Though I have agreed to that and more to make the relationship work but I am loosing it and I am concerned…
Truthshare
Hello.
It sounds like you are with a controlling partner who doesn’t want you to have your own independent opinion or lifestyle. It is not healthy for your partner to see communication with other men as infidelity. It is disturbing that you like you are losing yourself in the relationship.
You have the right to your own opinion and should be able to interact with others and make acquaintances without worrying about your partner’s retaliation. It is not healthy for your partner to insist that his way is the only right way. You both should be able to openly communicate and respectfully work through your differences in a healthy relationship.
You might find it favourable to get the assistance of a therapist or counsellor to help you get through this tough time and learn strategies for standing up for your own needs and boundaries in the relationship. You may want to reconsider being in this relationship if it continues to be this distressing.