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It hurts me that I can’t love my mother. I relate with her better when we are not in the same physical space. Whenever we are in the same physical space, I am infuriated from within. I can’t help being cranky and irritated at everything she says or does. I am unforgiving of her mistakes and inadequacies. Meaningless things. . . All of this is because I can’t seem to move from the pain, hurt and trauma of the past that she put me through whether intentionally or not. Things she did that hurt me as a kid till I was a full grown adult. I basically revolted naturally and all my good feelings for her collapsed and fell to zero and the negative side of zero. When she’s goes back, I feel bad that I didn’t treat her better but I can’t help it. There’s zero energy. I have nothing left to give her emotionally. I look at her and I only see the woman who contributed a lot to me being a damaged adult. I see disappointment. I see someone who I can’t rely on or can’t be there for me. I know she tries sometimes. But I can’t help feeling like if I didn’t turn out well, she’d be happy to judge me, that feeling alone invalidated any thing that looks like love from her. I feel so much pity for her but I can’t even make love happen again. I wish I could. Is there something I could do