Am scared of disappointing my parents especially my mom,I got an admission I to imsu and am now in 200L,my results for 100L is out,and nothing to write home.I read but I don’t know why my grade is always low,my friends said I should not be bothered,and that it’s not the end of the world but am still scared because I don’t want to disappoint my parents.
Am an insecure person and it’s always hard to deal with this Insecurities,I always feel like am worthless and very ugly,am scared of what people might think of me.sucidal thought comes into my mind once in a while and I attempted one when I was in secondary school.I still haven’t found the courage to do it but the fearof being a disappoint to my family is greater than the lack of courage not to do it.
I also feel like a filthy rags whenever am with my friends,my parents are not aware that I have been sexually assaulted by my uncle’s and cousins and am scared of telling them because they might judge me,after some time, I started having effects of the assault,I started masturbating and it’s hard for me to stop,my addiction always made me feel like am filthy and sometimes when I pray I feel like God doesn’t want to answer me.
The only option I have now is to commit sucide
Anonymous
Firstly, let me applaud the strength and courage it took you to share this here. It is ok to feel frightened and overwhelmed but suicide should not be your last fix to any situation.
You need to talk to someone about the sexual assault you experienced. Your mental health may be seriously damaged if you continue to keep it to yourself and not seek help; it will also help your healing journey. You might think about talking to a counsellor or therapist who can support you and assist you in working through your emotions.
Remember, grades do not define your worth as a person. struggling with certain courses doesn’t mean you are not intelligent. In other to improve your reading habits, schedule a time for studying and keep to it, eliminate distractions, create a reading list starting with a course you like and also get a reading partner. Doing these things will help you improve in study pattern and do better in exams. You could also speak to your course advisor to get extra help on how to improve your grades.
Also, remind yourself nobody in perfect; our imperfections make us unique and beautiful. Your self-worth should not be dependent on validation from other people.
Anonymous
Thanks so much,I already started to a councilor and it’s helping