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I’m so fucked beyond repair ‪+234 703 909 4242‬ Whatsapp Firstly I assume a lot because I’ve been hurt so much in my life and whenever someone is trying to be “very nice” with me I start assuming he/she have a different motive with the over nice attitude, which in some cases I assume wrongly and cause troubles for myself and the relationship I have with the person too That’s first And again while growing up i’m quite shy unless I get comfortable around you (still having troubles maintaining eye contact in my 20s now )i’m not the strongest guy and not the slowest too but there’s just something Gay abt me I like women obviously because I had a girlfriend in high school and I enjoy sex with women alot too I just get too attached to my best friend Maybe it’s obsession or love I care so much about him as a person but as if that’s not enough I still kind of feel physically attached to him Like when he taps me I did something crazy living together with him sharing a bed Like trying to move closer and let our bodies touch eachother He’s not pushing me away but we can’t have that conversation obviously I’m shy about a lot I mean he’s not opposing being gay and we see movies with stuff like that together but don’t judge me yet I have no idea I can be so attached to the same gender like this and somehow I notice handsome guys ,watch gay porns I don’t do this things because I want to but I just find myself attached to something I can’t changed and I hate myself deeply for this because it’s affecting me mentally and I can’t talk to anyone about it I value relationship with people but I have to send my bestfriend out because I don’t want to do something crazy (sometimes I can’t help myself and I regret it after ) I think staying alone might help me find out more about myself but I know deep inside my heart that I’m gay and that’s what’s driving me crazy because wtf I’m handsome for sure I should attract ladies instead of crushing on guys Sometimes when I have eye contact with guys my age I look down to the Dic* size In summary I’m so fucked up and it’s affecting my ability to think right and get my finance stable at least for my family my mother my siblings and dad I can’t talk to anyone about this and I have been battling with this for about a year now plus I just started talking to people in general . Yes that’s because I have been dealing with depression ever since I know what I means probably since high school I don’t speak out I can’t tell anyone about my sexuality because I’m not ready I will rather commit suicide At least we all Die sinner or later I just want to try what you have for me because I’m totally Damaged and my life is on the line because my family expected so much from growing up but I want to be happy and create the life I love too but I’m very concern about my sexuality and it’s really disturbing because you also don’t believe some people like same gender Naturally Sometimes I think about intimacy not sex because love is love to mean actually means more than sex It means a friend a companion a supporter Someone you can tell everything inside you with judgment Someone you can go to War together War of life of course lol I smile alot too but I’m fucked up I will be so happy if you got something for me at least I’m so Fucked and I’m ashamed of what I like it’s depressing asf