Firstly, I assume a lot because I’ve been hurt so much in my life and whenever someone is trying to be “very nice” with me I start assuming he/she have a different motive with the over nice attitude, which in some cases I assume wrongly and cause troubles for myself and the relationship I have with the person too.

And again, while growing up I was quite shy unless I get comfortable around you (still having troubles maintaining eye contact in my 20s now) I’m not the strongest guy and not the slowest too but there’s just something Gay about me I like women obviously because I had a girlfriend in high school, and I enjoy sex with women a lot but I feel too attached to my best friend; maybe it’s obsession or love. i care so much about him as a person but as if that’s not enough I still kind of feel physically attached to him, like when he taps me. I did something crazy living together with him and sharing a bed. I tried moving closer so that our bodies will touch each other. He’s not pushing me away, but we can’t have that conversation obviously.
I mean he’s not opposing being gay and we see movies with stuff like that together but don’t judge me yet.
I have no idea I can be so attached to the same gender as this and somehow, I notice handsome guys, watch gay porn.
I don’t do this thing because I want to, but I just find myself attached to something I can’t change, and I hate myself deeply for this because it’s affecting me mentally and I can’t talk to anyone about it.
I value relationship with people, but I have to send my best friend out because I don’t want to do something crazy (sometimes I can’t help myself and I regret it after)
I think staying alone might help me find out more about myself, but I know deep inside my heart that I’m gay and that’s what’s driving me crazy because wtf I’m handsome for sure I should attract ladies instead of crushing on guys.
Sometimes when I have eye contact with guys my age, I look down to their Dick size.

In summary I’m so fucked up and it’s affecting my ability to think right and get my finance stable at least for my family my mother my siblings and dad.
I can’t talk to anyone about this, and I have been battling with this for about a year now plus I just started talking to people in general. Yes, that’s because I have been dealing with depression ever since I know what I means probably since high school
I don’t speak out
I can’t tell anyone about my sexuality because I’m not ready; I will rather commit suicide.
At least we all Die sooner or later

I just want to try what you have for me because I’m totally Damaged and my life is on the line because my family expected so much from growing up but I want to be happy and create the life I love too but I’m very concern about my sexuality and it’s really disturbing because you also don’t believe some people like same gender Naturally
Sometimes I think about intimacy not sex because love is love to mean actually means more than sex
It means a friend a companion a supporter
Someone you can tell everything inside you with judgment
Someone you can go to War together
War of life of course lol
I smile alot too but I’m fucked up
I will be so happy if you got something for me at least
I’m so Fucked and I’m ashamed of what I like it’s depressing asf

1 Comment
  • Truthshare
    9:05 PM, 30 May 2023

    Exploring one’s sexual orientation can be a difficult and complex process, especially if it differs from cultural expectations or preexisting assumptions. It is crucial to remember that coming to terms with and accepting one’s sexual orientation can be challenging, and it is usual to experience confusion or conflict. To navigate this path, it is extremely important to find a therapist or counsellor with experience in same sex matters you can help you manage this situation better.

    Regarding your feelings towards your best friend, it’s important to explore and understand your emotions better. It’s possible to feel a deep attachment to someone without it necessarily being romantic or sexual. Friendship can be a powerful bond, and it’s normal to care deeply about your friends.

    Remember, taking care of your mental health is essential, and seeking help is a sign of strength. You deserve support, understanding, both from yourself and from others.

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