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Hello. I have always wanted to be a reverend sister from under age ten but circumstances have shown otherwise. I'm 41 now and for the past eight years, I've been to over twenty-five congregations; the highest level I've been in any, was three months postulancy in an enviable one as seen by all and sundry. I took my bags and left after I began feeling something pulling at me. One day, while in the chapel, I cried as if death was surely near. Later I was examined and found to be medically okay. I left as if I had a plan b. It's almost three years after and I feel as if I'm panicking. I even tried monasteries without success. Simply decided not to go on with my stay in one which was willing to have me. I was basically termed aimless and crazy. Why? I asked to be taken back at least three times where I had been a postulant but without success which is usually the case in such cases. But still can't believe all these has happened. I'm a primary school teacher now and I wouldn't like to think I want to be a religious as an escape route from the realities of life. I keep wondering how I got here; to this point. Sadly maybe I'm not called to the religious life. Very painful words to me in past times but gradually seems like a reality I must face and of course accept. Please what does everyone think out there? Thank you