I am very unhappy for most periods in my adult life, and for the longest time, I felt very suicidal. I stopped using codeine in 2017 and thought my life would be better, as it was no longer fun. I flunked out of university twice prior to quitting opioids, and was able to put my head down and get my degree. I now work in an IT firm in Abuja, and this is where I met my current partner. She is so full of life, funny and will literally kill for me. To be honest, she came onto me and I never saw her like that before then. She (30) was just getting out of a relationship with an unfaithful partner and I felt like a rebound. Being with her has also made me (31) understand that I have never being in a real relationship, as it was either always just in my head and one sided or I was never man enough to follow through and be present.
After almost 2 years now, I have learnt that I have chronic erectile dysfunction, and have been taking pills behind her back to make the sex better for us. It hasn’t been as helpful as I thought it would be, and she isn’t shy to tell me how bad I am. I am currently laying in her bed and when I ask for sex, she will tell me to ‘come and do my 2 minutes’. I am crushed and I get suicidal. I don’t know whether settling is the right thing cause she makes it seem like I am decent, in public (obviously to save face). We have ended it a couple times and come back together, and I don’t know why the idea of her settling for me makes me feel horrible.
I love the companionship and I fear that I am still in it for fear of being alone. She wants to be married even, and I am not having it cause I don’t make much. I really wish I could be everything she wants