I am very unhappy for most periods in my adult life, and for the longest time, I felt very suicidal. I stopped using codeine in 2017 and thought my life would be better, as it was no longer fun. I flunked out of university twice prior to quitting opioids, and was able to put my head down and get my degree. I now work in an IT firm in Abuja, and this is where I met my current partner. She is so full of life, funny and will literally kill for me. To be honest, she came onto me and I never saw her like that before then. She (30) was just getting out of a relationship with an unfaithful partner and I felt like a rebound. Being with her has also made me (31) understand that I have never being in a real relationship, as it was either always just in my head and one sided or I was never man enough to follow through and be present.
After almost 2 years now, I have learnt that I have chronic erectile dysfunction, and have been taking pills behind her back to make the sex better for us. It hasn’t been as helpful as I thought it would be, and she isn’t shy to tell me how bad I am. I am currently laying in her bed and when I ask for sex, she will tell me to ‘come and do my 2 minutes’. I am crushed and I get suicidal. I don’t know whether settling is the right thing cause she makes it seem like I am decent, in public (obviously to save face). We have ended it a couple times and come back together, and I don’t know why the idea of her settling for me makes me feel horrible.
I love the companionship and I fear that I am still in it for fear of being alone. She wants to be married even, and I am not having it cause I don’t make much. I really wish I could be everything she wants
Truthshare
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re experiencing such a hard time. It’s important to recognize that your emotions are real and to ask for help. Try to seek help from experts who can provide more specialized support on how to handle the issue if erectile dysfunction as it could be from the opioids. Also, prioritize your mental wellbeing and seek counselling on how to cope with your emotions.
Open and honest communication is key to maintaining or building a healthy relationship. Talk to your partner about your feelings, concerns, and struggles, including your fears about your sexual performance. It’s good to have a transparent conversation about your emotions and needs. Consider what you truly want and need in a relationship and whether your current situation aligns with those desires. Focus on personal growth, both emotionally and mentally. Also, having people around you who care and understand you can make a significant difference in your personal growth and mental well-being.
If your present finances are affecting your decision regarding marriage, consider discussing them openly with your partner. It’s important to be on the same page and work towards common goals. Remember, your well-being is a priority, and seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.