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Im the first child, im gonna clock 30 this year, i suck at relationship cos all my life whenever guys come close to me all they want is to sleep with me, I had a almost rape case once. So in as much as I want a bf, I dont have the energy and zeal to keep one. And Lately Ive had none. Then there’s the issue of my siblings also, they stay in my apartment, when i ask them to do house chores they dont answer until i start showing and complaining and then they get angry and give me silent treatment and when I tell them they hurt me emotionally just cos I asked them to do some house chores, they reply nd say its cos I shouted at them, I spoke to them rudely, its cos I keep saying im the only one doing the house chores while being angry I hate arguments and dont like shouting but they dont know me well enough that i dont like it but they make me shout and complain. They don’t contribute to anything except i jokingly say ah you arent paying for this when will you pay for this, or when a bulb is bad, they dont fix it, until i complain. Me getting close to 30 is getting on my nerves plus the fact that I have never have a successful relationship ll my life, plus the fact that when I negotiated for a salary, i always shot myself in the leg and get less, im happy then later I find out how much others are being paid, and i get pained again It all hurts so much and there just so much chaos in my head I wish the world could go silent and make it all breathable for me but time waits for now one, some years bad I got so frustrated and just wanna end it all but then I remember all the fun activities i wanna do, travelling, painiting playing instruments and just enjoying music with some black coffee Ive worked hard all my life since my early 20s to get to this point, sacrificed so much to get here and now it all seems like so much chaos I console myself by saying ahh thank God for good health good family good friends good things around me But these 4 things just wont lemme be no matter how grateful I am. Ive tried talking to good friends and even elders they tell me to endure they are your younger ones, youre the first born so endure, my folks will say you’re their second mother so endure Im getting close to that point that I cant endure any more It all just hurts so much and i hold back so much cos I dont wanna hurt any one Someday I say what if I just vanish on my family, so I cam have some breathing space but then I dont want them to go through the pain of thinking something went wrong with me and it lead to some crazy burden or me having to lose my folks cos of some crazy decision ill make Idk i really dont know, thats why im putting this here Im all hears and please dont insukt me cos you’re life aint better Im here for help so help if you have any tangible advice to give