I’m the first child, I am going to clock 30 this year. I suck at relationship cos all my life whenever guys come close to me all they want is to sleep with me. I had an almost rape case once. So, in as much as I want a boyfriend, I don’t have the energy and zeal to keep one. And Lately I’ve had none.
Then, there’s the issue of my siblings also. they stay in my apartment and when I ask them to do house chores; they don’t answer until I start shouting and complaining. Then they get angry and give me silent treatment and when I tell them they hurt me emotionally just cos I asked them to do some house chores; they reply and say its cos I shouted at them. I spoke to them rudely, its cos I keep saying I am the only one doing the house chores while being angry.
I hate arguments and don’t like shouting, but they don’t know me well enough that I don’t like it, but they make me shout and complain. They don’t contribute to anything except I jokingly say ah you aren’t paying for this when will you pay for this, or when a bulb is bad, they don’t fix it, until i complain.
Me getting close to 30 is getting on my nerves plus the fact that I have never have a successful relationship in my life, plus the fact that when I negotiated for a salary, i always shot myself in the leg and get less, I am happy then later I find out how much others are being paid, and i get pained again.
It all hurts so much and there just so much chaos in my head
I wish the world could go silent and make it all breathable for me, but time waits for now one, some years bad I got so frustrated and just want to end it all but then I remember all the fun activities I want to do, travelling, painting playing instruments and just enjoying music with some black coffee.
I’ve worked hard all my life since my early 20s to get to this point, sacrificed so much to get here and now it all seems like so much chaos.
I console myself by saying ahh thank God for good health good family good friends good things around me
But these 4 things just won’t lemme be no matter how grateful I am.
I’ve tried talking to good friends and even elders they tell me to endure they are your younger ones, you’re the first born so endure, my folks will say you’re their second mother so endure
I am getting close to that point that I can’t endure any more.
It all just hurts so much and i hold back so much cos I don’t want to hurt anyone.
Someday I say what if I just vanish on my family. so, I can have some breathing space but then I don’t want them to go through the pain of thinking something went wrong with me and it lead to some crazy burden or me having to lose my folks cos of some crazy decision I made.
Idk I really don’t know, that’s why I am putting this here.
I am all hears and please don’t insult me cos your life isn’t better.
I am here for help so help if you have any tangible advice to give.
Truthshare
It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot of challenging situations, both in your personal relationships and at home with your siblings. It’s essential to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being. Consider having open and calm conversations with your siblings about your feelings and expectations. If communication doesn’t improve, seeking the help of a counsellor could be helpful. Additionally, focusing on self-care and finding support from friends or professionals can help you navigate these difficulties.
Concerning your job, try speaking with your employer; to see if dey can reconsider your salary. Try to help your siblings learn a skill or get a little paying job so dey can assist you with the financial responsibilities. I’m truly sorry to hear that you’re going through such a challenging time. It’s important to recognize that your feelings are valid, and seeking professional help can provide you with the support and guidance you need. Remember, you don’t have to face these difficulties alone.