I have 0 friends and no one in my family I can talk to.

Why? Because I’m tired of having to pretend like I’m okay just for other people to feel better about themselves. I’m tired of wearing a smiling mask when my heart has been shattered over and over again (not even by a man, lover or whatever).

Apparently a large amount of millennials and gen z feel lonely, and it should be no surprise. At the core humans are forgetting how to be good people, while learning to convince themselves they’re good people. A mother shouting at her daughter “you don’t have depression, that’s a white man thing” when her child only has her to turn to. A friend saying “I’m not the type of friend that can comfort someone”, but then using me as a security blanket when your relationships prove to be sh!t.
In as much as I take responsibility for my own happiness, these situations I find myself in are sad.

I find myself wondering why I can’t just have a regular relationship like other people, I always thought it was my fault entirely, but that’s not the case. I think most people never want to see themselves as the bad guy. Maybe everyone is telling themselves “no I’m not a bad mom” or “I know I did something terrible to you, but I was acting as your friend” or one way or another convincing ourselves that we aren’t bad people. It’s sad.

I’m no saint. I’ve hurt people before, but one thing im proud to say is that I never seek to hurt anyone. I’d rather leave sleeping dogs to lie. I could be wicked, I have wicked thoughts, but at the back of my mind the voice always rings out “I don’t want to make anyone feel bad”.

Who knows, maybe it’s the people pleaser my parents bullied me into being, but it’s better than hovering the earth like you have no soul. If anything I just wished people would drop the mask and stop pretending like what they aren’t. Proudly be that bad friend, that neglectful mother, that uncaring brother, that heartless partner… I just feel it would be easier if people put down the masks, because I’m tired of wearing a mask to make them feel like a human.

1 Comment
  • Truthshare
    8:23 PM, 22 January 2024

    It can be quite challenging to overcome loneliness and the challenge to make real relationships. You seem to be battling the difficulties posed by social expectations. It’s necessary to recognize and accept your emotions. It’s normal to feel worn out and frustrated by the demands placed on you to live up to societal standards. It’s also good that you acknowledge your own need for authenticity.

    While it may be challenging, consider seeking support from a counsellor to help you navigate through your emotions. You can try seeking closure from your parents; talk to them about how their need to portray you as a happy and perfect person has been affecting your mental wellbeing. It’s okay to put your well-being first and try to spend time with people who actually care about you. It may take some time to make deep connections, but it’s worthwhile to be around people that appreciate and love you for who you are.

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