So my own issue is something I do not understand myself. I feel, I personally bury down my hurt and pretend I am okay with certain things until a familiar scenario triggers it.
I grew up in a household where I always believed I am not good enough. I always thought I was dull, I wasn’t beautiful, and I was stupid. To be honest, my family agrees with me because they think I am not so useful. They look down on me so many times and can be very controlling. They do not think I can make my own life decisions. My mother is worse. She thinks of all the worst scenarios and discourage me from being myself.
I remember growing and getting use to my point of view being tossed aside. I remember people misunderstanding me so much to the point I do not bother to explain myself anymore.
I have always had the mentality that something is wrong with me. Due to this, I find it difficult to get attached to people. But when I get attached , I find it difficult to leave. Then it looks like I am being obsessive. To get over a deep crush is like impossible for me right now. To get over regret, is like walking on sharp nails. I find it hard to get into a relationship because of this. I am scared my partner will see me as too sensitive or not good enough. My relationships barely last for 5 months. My longest is 5, to be honest. I have been in a scenario where I experience one sided love a lot. Aside that, the guys who approach me only request sex from me and nothing else. It is not my moral to just sleep with anyone.
This mentality has affected me a lot. I am rebellious, I get angry if people look down of me, I am very defensive, I feel strange if people compliment me or say I am smart, I get imposter syndrome a lot when I am given good offers etc.
Due to all this, I am scared to enter into a relationship. My insecurities might chase my partner away from me. The same way it chases the others.
I do not know what to do. I really need help.
Truthshare
It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, and it’s completely understandable that you’re struggling with your self-esteem and relationships given the environment you grew up in. It’s important to recognize that your feelings are valid, and it’s not uncommon for past experiences, especially ones from childhood, to shape our beliefs about ourselves and affect our present behavior. Consider speaking with a therapist who deals with problems with relationships, family dynamics, and self-esteem. You can learn ways to cope and manage your feelings.
Try confronting the negative beliefs you have about yourself. When you find yourself thinking something negative tackle it with positive thoughts about yourself. Learn to set boundaries with your family and others who may be critical or controlling. Focus on selfcare, engage in activities that bring you joy. Remember that healing takes time, and it’s okay to seek support and guidance along the way. You deserve to feel worthy of love and respect, and with time and effort, you can overcome your insecurities and build healthier relationships.