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I get mood swings. I have thoughts of killing myself then my 2 babies faces flash before my eyes and i start crying. What kind of mother would want to kill herself knowing she has 2 little ones to take care of. I already feel like I’m a horrible mother but these thoughts make me feel even more worthless of a mother. Which then makes me think they would be better off without me. I feel incredibly selfish for having these thoughts. Like I’m making everything about me. I try to psych myself into not feeling what I’m feeling, it works sometimes.. but when I’m on my own they slowly creep back in. Sometimes I say it out loud and laugh at how ridiculous I sound. But I’m afraid of the day these tactics won’t work anymore and I actually end up going through with it