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So, last year , my boyfriend and I had a fight. I cheated on him with multiple guys.. One thing that didn’t happen with those guys in question was sex or anything intimate. Just flirty talks and me taking money and gifts from them( I’m not saying it makes it any less cheating). So, he went through my phone and found out. He was really hurt and heartbroken. No matter how much I apologized, I don’t think it could make up for what I did. Honestly, I never had feelings for those guys, and I was only taking advantage of their likeness to me. They knew I was in a relationship, because I told them, but they still chose to do things for me. I really didn’t see anything bad about it at the time, until I was exposed. My boyfriend gave me another chance, and forgave me, but never forgot ( I know forgetting such act of betrayal is impossible). So, he never missed a chance of bringing those things up randomly. We could be watching a TikTok video, and he brings it up. It’s hurtful, yes, but there’s nothing I could say about it. It’s going to be ten months since we’ve had this issue, and I assure you that I have never for once gone back to that act. I’m this kind of person that doesn’t like to be reprimanded, so I try my best not to do wrong. Precisely, something happened this morning. We’ve made it our thing never to keep secrets from each other. So, yesterday, on my way to work, a car flagged the bike I was on down. Apparently, he had already told the bike man to stop, but I didn’t hear a thing, because I was using my ear pods. And I don’t usually like looking into people’s car, so as to avoid any sort of eye contact. Anyways, the man apologized for flagging the bike down, and offered to take me to my place of work. I declined, of course, and was scolding the bike man to have done something like that. He requested for my number, I declined as well. He then offered to pay the bike man my transport fare, so that he could save face from the not so subtle humiliation. That man was either in his late fifties or so. He asked the bike man directly how much the fare was, and gave him the money directly. So, we left, and I made sure to scold the bike man again for ever stopping at first. The bike man apologized as well( he’s Hausa). Then, at work, another similar situation happened, and I declined as well. It might be hard to believe, but after what had happened last year, I never gave another man any audience whatsoever. So, I left work for home, and kept contemplating about whether to tell my boyfriend. It’s a normal routine for us to joke about situations like that. He tells me about his as well. He’s a very busy person, and I felt that telling him yesterday might disrupt his attention, and I don’t know why I had that feeling. So, I branched his place this morning, and seeing him weakened my resolve, so I told him. He was actively engaged in the conversation, but went cold all of a sudden. I asked him what was wrong, and he said he was doing something on his phone which made him go silent. Then, he spoke up himself saying “ I don’t know why I suddenly went off”, I asked him if it was due to something on his phone, he said no. I then asked if it was about what the conversation we just had, and he replied with “maybe yes, maybe no”. I figured that was it and I apologized for bringing it up. He then said he feels like the situation could’ve gone the other way round, meaning I could’ve given those people my number. He then asked me if I would’ve told him if I had done so. I told him no, and that it wasn’t the case in the first place. That was how another trust issue erupted. I mentioned it briefly, but it was quite intense within just that few minutes. We proceeded out, because I had to go work and he wanted to purchase stuff as well. I was hurt and upset, and I kept asking myself if I had to be punished for being truthful. Whilst walking to the junction where we’d hitch a ride, I tried telling him that whatever it is he might be thinking, it wasn’t so, but he shunned me off. Not by staying quiet, but by a dismissive wave of hand. We took a bike together, got to the bus stop, and went separate ways. This is not the first time things like this has happened. He always says it with so much confidence in those situations, that he knows I’m up to something, that I’m engaged in an untruthful act, this and that. On the basis of “my instincts are strong”. You know that feeling of when you’re being honest and your partner keeps saying you’re not, and whatever explanations you give just seems like flimsy excuses and nothing more. And they keep telling you “ I’ll catch you, don’t worry”. Honestly, I don’t know what to do. He’s not entirely a saint either, you know. Not that I’m keeping tabs or trying to call it even, but I believe you guys understand what I mean. You know when they say “don’t tell a man everything”, it doesn’t mean to withhold important information about yourself from them, or be secretive. It’s in times like this. Like this situation I put myself into for telling him about those men from yesterday. I need your honest and truthful opinions, please. Am I in the wrong to be upset or hurt, that he seems to think the absolute worst of me? How else can I prove my honesty?