Hi, Well, I’m in a terrible life relationship and

Hi,
Well, I’m in a terrible life relationship and I’ve just found out that it might never get better cos my life partner to me, doesn’t want to do the work and all he feels good about is condemning me, fighting and bickering all about how I’m a whore (which am not, truthfully) curses me and even spits on me during our heated arguments and in front of our children and I was this close to ending my life this year and now, it’s the holidays and am very sad and lonely, even though I’m married. We got no plans, recently seen that he made me cut off from all of my friends and social life stylishly and it’s like my world revolves around him. Follows me everywhere and when he can’t go, I’ve got to have my children with me at all times. Just thinking that his was never supposed to be my life and wondering when it will all end., I have a job I love teaching and connecting with students but this year, I had to give up my extra lessons cos of his insecurities and its the holidays and I don’t have much saved up to even make my self beautiful or my children. I’m like wanting to start a remote or physical training business ever since but there’s this pause, a long one because I don’t want him to say people are hitting on me, I mean he checks my outfit to work, not too tight, not revealing and I’m the most decent person. I don’t wear trousers to work. Hardly put my makeup on get my wig on and he times me like, ain’t you supposed to be back from work now, st times he returns home in the middle of his work to check if am back or not and there was one day that I was really pressed but it’s closing hours and I literally had to hold myself till I get home and once we’re home,just took off to the loo and guess the look I got. I can’t do anything right, can’t sing or shout out loud (am a very good singer and got the voice of an angel, if I do say so.) I do all the calling at work and he hardly calls me just to wish me well or say I love you, but when he calls, it’s to remind me of chores, have I cooked this or cook this for me when I get home and God help me if the food isn’t ready, there’s an outburst and rush of words from him to me, with insults and I wonder, is this what my life has been reduced to. We recently embarked on a building project and I have to call him so much cos the reception over there is bad but he switches off him line to conserve his battery and whenever he calls or whenever I manage to get through, the first thing he slams at me is, you didn’t call me. And am like, what, just take a look at my phone log, like two days ago, when he actually went to supervise the project, at the end of the day, I had sent 56 calls and you can guess how many of that actually did go through. I can’t talk to anyone, did relate some to my parents before but he was hurt they were taking my side and started disrespecting them. I don’t discuss my issues with them anymore cos I feel I can handle it. I think of my friends with their life and wonder if someone out there can actually see the pain I’m going through daily. I have a very active imagination from my childhood and had always thought that when I get married, here’s what I would do and that, but I recall him giving me the curse of my existence this year, and I’ve tried to seek help, even asking him to choose whom he feels comfortable with the most, so we can table down our issues and see them analyze us, but he says no. It’s the holidays and I’m miserable, no wears to buy, no food to purchase, no Christmas lights or decorations, which was a tradition in my home and I have given it up ever since I got married to him. No new change, like I love to rearrange the home, give it a new look and all, but early on in our marriage, I discovered he didn’t like it and I’ve stopped doing that. Even when I try, he says leave my things the way they are and I dare not change the sofas. We have laptops no TV, which I’ve been trying hard to purchase for my children but he says we don’t need it. Infant, it’s whatever he wants and not what I like. He’s domineering and I guess I didn’t see that early on. He’s made me detest the institution called marriage and I’m so hurt that I cry most times and pray that I will find peace. Well, it’s 2023 and I’m getting ready to face a new year and change the way I do things and set myself aglow again, with life and energy bursting out of me, our sex life is great, if you don’t count me declining, he just feels that’s all we have to do to reconcile and settle issues but I don’t think so. It’s why we have bottled up and stomached so many things up for years and are still having fractions in 12 years of marital bliss. Bliss or pain 🤔? I guess this is my part in life and to help younger ones not to make the mistakes I have made but I do know that there are healthy and happier marriages than mine out there and I do so long for it but it’s like it ain’t for me. Guess I will write my book on my life one day and it might turn out to be a bestseller cos it’s mixed with pain and stuff. Feeling relieved as I typed this and do spread the love this season cos someone out there needs it to push on. I’m pushing…