I am really depressed, i am an orphan i lost my pa

I am really depressed, i am an orphan i lost my parent when i was 4years old. And started leaving with my aunties,but i lacked emotional love which made me run to men for comfort and love making them use and dump me because i didnt have friends and my aunty made my life unpleasant,that i didnt know how it is to grow up in a loving environment instead toxic environment which made me feel lonely. I later got married of which i explained my growing up to him,but he didnt really understand it because he grew up in a then wealthy family and been spoilt with anything they need.but after we got married i started noticing we have not been connecting emotionally,no strong connections,we dont even communicate,if we are at home together we are always apart from each other,we dont even gist because he doesnt listen even if i have a small gossip to gist with him,he will say he is tired,so i started getting use till i gave birth even when i delivered,its fight everyday,we fight every blessed day,until my baby grew up,anytime we have issues,he will just go blank on me,stop communicating with me for like weeks,and not even eat my food. But i let it just be like that,he is used to keeping malice with me which has been affecting me because i always feel we should be close but we are not.
After some years,i lost my job in the bank where i was working,i was at home for a good year and i was so depressed,crying everyday,and where he is working,is not really paying him much,we kept managing till when i sha got another job but not really paying me well like my former job,but i sha took it,hoping to get another one,then i got pregnant after 4months of me working in that place,i called him and told him about it,and i begged him that we are not ready for this,that i just got this job to be supporting him,things are abit hard and expensive since covid,and he agreed that i should do anything that he doesnt have problem with me,the next thing i ordered for drugs from a professional,i took it,i started having cramps and he asked me if i took something i said yes,he rushed me to hospital,and since that day,he stopped communicating with me,i asked him why that attitude,he said he only tested me ,i was hurt,he left me shattered,no human feelings,not to even ask how am feeling after taking the drugs whether am seriously bleeding,like how am i living with someone without emotion,why are ppl making me heartless and emotionless from how i grew up to who i married.i am fed up with everything,i literally shut out everybody around me,stopped communicating with people,removed my pictures from social media. Just had the feelings to be alone except my daughter,all what happened i couldnt even tell any of my extended families,i was looking for who to share with but nobody,i felt betrayed by him,all the love i have and affection and emotions are only for my daughter now.