Read Anonymous Stories

Hello, I'm a Nigerian. I haven't done this before, so pardon my approach. Back when I was younger, life was good with me and family. We stayed in a nice, beautiful and calm environment with a lot of friends. In short, i would say i had a pretty good childhood, but it was short-lived. My Dad was called into ministry, so he quit his job or should I say, had an early retirement. We left that nice environment and relocated to the village where he claimed God called him to begin ministry. I was 8 then, I didn't have a choice as much as I didn't like the idea. Plus, I wasn't the only child and we could only complain silently. Some time passed, money still flowed and we travelled to the UK for a holiday in 2010, I was 9 then. We all had a good time. My Dad promised he'll take us there soon for another holiday, but not long after he was duped severally, and he lost almost all the money. As at present, we've been managing in the village. My parents believe opportunities will come again and that my Dad will be able to keep to his promises, but it's been twelve long years and I'm 20 already. I don't really resent them for anything. I don't hate God either, I just want to get opportunities, I want to find myself too. I've been thinking about my life a lot and I want to be independent and alleviate the suffering of my parents. I also want to support my siblings and the ministry, but things aren't working for me. I feel depressed a lot because I remember my childhood everyday. I miss my old friends, home, school, environment and the life in general. I'm afraid that even though we had left there I haven't let go of that life. I miss that and I want to experience it again. I don't know who I am and what I want to be. I don't laugh wholeheartedly and I'm not really happy even though I pretend in front of my family and friends. I feel heavy in my heart a lot because I want to help people but don't have the means. I want to make my parents have a comfortable life and laugh again. At this point I want a ray of hope, an assurance that my future isn't bleak and something good is in store for me. I found out I push forward when I have motivation. I don't have any motivation no matter how hard I think. I want to retreat and find my motivation. I tried content writing jobs but I only attract scammers. I used to draw and colour as a child and I want to do that again. I think I want to take a break and stop thinking about things I can't attain and stop expecting things from people. But I don't know how to go about it.