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My Story (Anonymous) Since 2023 I’ve been dealing with same-sex attractions. It hasn’t been easy, but I was finally starting to manage it learning to live with it without letting it control me. Then, about two months ago, something new started. Out of nowhere, the word “trans” popped into my head. I didn’t give it much attention at first; I just brushed it off. But later, while watching an episode of New Amsterdam about a trans kid, I felt myself react in a way that scared me. My chest felt tight, my heart heavy, and the thought came back stronger: “Maybe you should be a girl.” Since then, it hasn’t left me. The thought follows me every single day, every single hour. It tells me I should be a girl, act like one, like what girls like. But the truth is I have never felt this way in my life until now. Not as a child, not growing up. It all began recently, like my brain is forcing me into it. It’s not just media anymore. Now, whenever I see a girl in real life, the thought rushes back with the same heavy feeling in my chest. It’s as if my body reacts first, then the thought hijacks me. I can’t avoid it, because girls are everywhere in school, outside, on TV. The cycle feels unbreakable: thought → chest heaviness → more thought. I’ve tried so many techniques — grounding, breathing, distraction but it always circles back. It’s ruining my peace. I wake up every day just waiting to fall asleep again, because sleep is the only time I don’t have to think or feel this weight. I’ve thought about acceptance, but I know that would only lead to more confusion and identity crisis. It doesn’t feel like me — it feels like an intrusive loop, something that took over my mind without my permission. But as long as the chest heaviness is there, the thought is there too. Spiritually, I’ve also been struggling. I used to pray regularly, but lately I’ve fallen off. Sometimes I wonder if returning to prayer would change things maybe it would. But right now, I feel stuck in this cycle of thought and chest pain that won’t let me go. That’s my reality. I don’t know who else feels this way, but I know I was fine before this started. I don’t want to lose myself to these thoughts, but I also don’t know how to silence them. All I know is: this doesn’t feel like me