I was taking advantage of at a very tender age of

I was taking advantage of at a very tender age of 6 by two brothers which were one of our neighbors back then. The both had there way three different time at different intervals. I was so scared to tell anyone about it as I was still very young.. One day my sister got to know and she told my mum about it.. My mum after much pressure got the truth out of me.. But I really can’t remember how they settled the situation back then.. Then after that incident I started falling a victim of sexual assault .. Always taking advantage of.. At some point I went into lesbianism some friends introduced that to me.. It felt safer but I came out of dat quickly wen we changed my environment…at 13 I started mesturabating nd all till I stopped having fun with men nd derived joy satisfying myself.. I hated sex.. was doing dat for years.. At 16 I met a guy.. He invited me over to his house went der.. We just talked.. I remember he asked if I was a virgin den.. I honestly didnt knw how to answer cos of wat happened at the early stage of my life Den I traveled to lagos..he too came to lagos for some stuff.. Den he came around to pick me up one day.. As my uncle wasn’t around.. Went out with him.. He took me over to his friends place nd as we got talking.. He started making advances at first I tried stopping him but I decided to give it a try.. But it was too painful to handle.. So I pushed him off.. I notice blood was on his bed.. He dropped me off at home.. Dat made me hate sex the more.. I stopped taking to him.. came back home to my family nd one day on my way out I saw him again.. We talked nd I went to see him den he asked why I lied to him abt been a virgin. We had sex DAT day a bit painful but later got used to it.. Den I blocked him off.. After den it had it wit different guys i lost count.. I notice each time I dream of having sex in my dreams den wen I wake up.. I will sha see someone aw meet nd we will have sex nd after sex I just loss interest in him nd pick someone else..I had everything I wanted den. I noticed I don’t lack things during those times.. Dat how I became till I was 18.. I started getting tired nd scared.. There was something in me dat wanted to break loose of wat i became.. I started seeing death coming.. Some thing was telling me aw die soon.. I started seeing dark cobwell coming to cover me but some stronger force was always around to defend me.. A neighbor saw some revelation towards me.. She called me spoke to me.. Nd i opened up to her… took me out to see a man of God.. It was den my mum got to knw abt everything ve been through.. They conducted some deliverance on me.. For month it was big battle.. Den all of a sudden the same person who helped me changed towards me.. They stopped talking to both I nd my mum.. They went to church nd told everyone my story.. I was deeply hurt.. But I didn’t leave the church.. I held on to God.. Started having personal relationship with him… It was den my deliverance was completed… The man they took me to too stopped seeing us.. Started avoiding us.. But I saw God in my dreams telling me he is always der for me.. This is just a briefing to my background

second pharse
After everything.. i went into a relationship with a guy.. I saw him in my dreams before meeting him in person but I didn’t go back to pray about it.. i thought he was who God is directing me too.. I helped him out of a situation i led him to Christ.. Den we started a relationship… At first.. Everything was going on smoothly.. But it was just for while.. Sometimes he ll be here some times there.. I never really enjoyed the relationship.. He takes from me.. I loved him so much.. He was playing me.. Tolled with my emotions but I forgive him nd takes him back eveytime he comes back begging..each time I wanted to give someone else a try I feel guilty nd at that point he ll alwaysccome back begging..nd I kept forgiving him back..der was a point he introduced me to his family.. I was so close to the mum nd sisters.. But I never told anyone wat I was going tru.. Even wen we broke up it took a year before his mum got to knw.. This was the kind of relationship I was for almost 5 years.. Before he finally broke up with me one morning October 14 2016.. But i already saw it coming I saw it in my dreams already..while I was still in a relationship with him.. I got fed up at some point..I decided to move on nd as I don’t have the strength to go on.. So one day I met this guy.. I liked him in an instant.. Nd was hoping things work out between us.. The new guy was always der for me weneva I needed help.. i gave him everything.. Including my body I kept ever since my deliverance.. Dat was three years after.. Everything was going smoothly for six month den one day. Hes the only guy I have ever enjoyed sex with.. Den one day I pressured him on wat plans he has towards us.. Den he told me he has a kid nd he’s not ready for commitment at the moment.. I was so heartbroken but I feel so addicted to him I tried leaving but he wouldnt allowed it.. So the bond we share we both can’t explain.. I allowed myself to be used.. I saw him as my comfort.. He’s still far better than who I was dating back den.. He never gave the space to leave not for once.. I started having mixed feelings.. But I just decided to stick to him.. Hoping that someday he might finally give in
I started looking out for guys too.. Maybe if I see someone who I can love Den I can be able to get over him
I fell into many wrong hands.. But never find any that could satisfy me the way he does.. He knws abt it everything I did.. I could tell him everything.. at some point I got really fed up with everything.. At 25 I don’t have a relationship I can call my own.. he only calls wen he needs me… I too do call anytime I needed something urgent.. He’s the only one I feel free to go to for help.. Cos o find it difficult asking people for help.. Even my family.. He was the only friend I have now.. Who I can talk to abt any difficulties I face nd he has always been der to help

Late last year I met this guy.. I like him in an instant..but I wasn’t desperate plus ve kinda given up on the word love.. We got talking early this year..I decided to give him a chance.. Though he was a Muslim nd I knew my mum especially might not been in support of it.. Nd I Too was so worried abt the future.. It was really discouraging.. I talk to the other guy as a friend abt my fears nd worries nd he adviced I give it a try beside the said guys isn’t the religious kind.. So I follow my mind I decided to go into a relationship with him.. at first my fears nd worry consume me deep down nd at time I go find comfort with the other guy.. I was just scared abt wat the future holds.. But at some point I started getting deeper feeling with the new guy.. I started loving him.. Dat ders no day we don’t talk.. Started seeing him as my world my life he was everything I ever wanted.. I see past my fears nd worries now.. I can boldly say I love him with all my heart.. Right from the first day all he has ever showed to me is pure love.. I started feeling terrible for wat I did.. For ever cheating on him.. The guilt kills me nd I decided I want to be 100% honest with him.. So last Friday I opened up to him abt everything… I did.. I told him nothing but the truth.. He said he has always knw.. I feel real terrible nd the guilt kills me.. Ve stopped seeing the other guy.. I decided to stick with this new guy but I just have to let him knw all I did.. Just want to make right my wrong for the first time in my life.. He told me he’s happy I finally realize.. He’s not hurt.. Nor disappointed.. He’s not angry either but he says he can go on with me.. He say the fact is der can’t be a future for us.. For the very first time in my life I stood up to face the truth.. I was happy I did the right thing.. I felt peace within me.. But I can’t just bring myself to get over him.. For the very first time I would love someone genuinely.. It so hard for me.. can’t eat.. Can’t sleep.. Been crying my eyes out.. Its a week now but I still can’t bring myself to accept everything dat happened… He had great plans for us but since the day I opened up to him.. He stopped communicating with me.. The only time he chats me up now is wen he needs me to help him get the price of some drugs cos I work in a pharmatical store.. Or he wants me to help get something.. He now treats me like the stranger we were at first.. I just can’t handle that.. Its really eating me up.. So I just decided this morning to share it.. My mum doesn’t knw anything.. Nd I can bring myself to tell her knowing the gravity of wat I did.. Nd it will hurt her.. She sees the innocent girl in me girl who after dat incident from the past losses guide of herself.. I can’t talk to her.. I just need help become this depression takes hold of me nd hurt my health further
I genuinely don’t want dat Life i once lived.. I really regretted all I did nd how I hurt the only person dat genuinely loved me nd showed me nothing but pure care..
I don’t knw how to handle this honestly.. I’m 26 now.. I honestly don’t know wer to start from.. I’m not just lucky wen it comes to relationship.. At time I feel like i don’t think aw ever marry cos of everything happening around me
I don’t wat else to do or say to him… Ever since he left.. Everything doesn’t make sense anymore.. I go with this pain burden I can share with anyone.. I smile I play but those re just genuine.. I see people getting married… Having relationships nd I feel real jealous nd keep asking my self wen.. Why I’m I always dis unlucky… People who seems me thinks I have a relationship.. Dey don’t believe each time I told dem I don’t.. My mum my family all of them has started asking wen will I bring him home.. Just recently a woman called me nd was asking me how far… Wats happening why I’m I not married.. But dat doesn’t worry me.. Wat worries me is at this stage.. Me not having someone I can call my own.. I feel lonely… Alone in this world.. Ve lost all faith nd hope now.. I sincerely don’t knw wat to do anymore..