I really hate myself and I feel like everybody aro

I really hate myself and I feel like everybody around me does as well I always see myself as the problem even though I have friends y does it seem like their all fake why do I feel like my parents resent me I missed the times when I could really smile,the times when I wouldn’t cry at night.
When I started middle school I was taking to boarding school at first I cried and was really sad as well but my parents told me it was cus they wanted me to grow into someone responsible now I just think it’s cus they don’t want me around I’ve been there for three years when it was my second year I begged them to let me be a day student when I changed school instead they lied to me and dropped me off but never picked me and dropped my things in the boarding house this was the same thing they did for two years it’s not cus of the bullying or the fact that I easily get sick there some people are nice to me but I still feel lonely I don’t know why by the time I was12 my mom kept telling that my dad was cheating I know my parents never had much time for me when I was in elementary school but now it was like completely forgot about me they would spend so much time arguing that they didn’t even pay attention to me my dad would come home late and for the first time I would see my mom cry I was the only one there for her to lean on my elder siblings were all grown up and didn’t live with us I felt so lonely even when I was in a hostel room filled with seven other people after being tricked so many times and lied to I started getting trust issues I would go to the bathroom and cry every night but up till now I still don’t blame my parents I blame myself for being like this I always ask myself what I did to make them not want me in the house other kids were there but they all got along fine everytime people talked about the times they spent with their families I would just stand there looking cus I had nothing to say I had housekeepers do my mom’s job since I was practically born I would wait so long for my dad to come back when I was little just so I can hug him but end up sleeping of when my brother left to university I was just 6 and me and my sis never got along not that we argued we just never talked to each other we were always on our own the hole family was like that after the quarantine my parents allowed me to be a day student I made some friends outside school actually they came to me Before I met them I didn’t know how to Talk to people or what to say my parents didn’t allow me outside the house even in my estate or even to go down the street without an escort so I wasn’t use to seeing people so maybe that’s why it was even harder for me to make friends they still said hi to me and tried to talk to me even after I ignored them we ended up being friends that way and I made some other friends through them i felt so happy being with them I could go out cus my old housekeeper allowed me to on my own she thought it was weird that a teenage girl had to be followed just to see her friends who lived in the same estate and I got a dog I finally felt happy I didn’t care about those other stuff I didn’t fill resented but now my parents told me I’ll be staying in boarding school they told me it’s just for a weak cus my mom is travelling but I find it hard to believe them after being tricked so many times. I feel like after I stay there for a weak They won’t come pick me and I won’t be able to see the only people that made me happy.
When I got tricked the second time the housemistress told me my mom said she’s tired of me all I did was beg I just wanted one thing one little thing. I can’t help but feel unwanted and I can’t really say anything because I know people are just going to take me as a joke, I’m a 14yr old and I don’t even know how to use a bus I don’t know anything on living on my own I’ve only got a glimpsed if what it fills to be free or happy now I know that everything is going to come back to how it was before.