I don’t even know how to start, I’m the shy type but I just need someone to talk to.
I’ve been series of counselling and psychiatrist/psychologist but I kinda get shy,so I stopped going.
I have a mom issue and sometimes I have a feeling I am not loved by her.
I grew up with a single parent (mother), my parent got married and seperated after a year,,I was a year old when they got seperated so I could say I can’t recognize him. Growing up was kinda tough cos my mom used me as her favorite dumping ground for anger, frustration,hatred and all. At first she wasn’t like this,,she was sweet and lovely,all of a sudden she changed, when I was in high school, she beat me every single day and when I say beat not just ordinary beat I mean like an abuse, casting all her frustrations on me,her method of beatings is grinding u on the floor and sitting on ur back, hitting u with different things within her reach, hitting u till u collapse,drag u to the bathroom,pour water on ur head till u are conscious and start again,,,lolss, I was being known as a punching bag among my neighbors, and when she’s done hitting, she would call her siblings and play the victim game and sometimes cried that I want to kill her(u know how African mother does), without them even caring to ask what happened,they lashed out one by one and I’ll just stay quiet and mute(sometimes cry)till they all finish,well,to cut the long story short, when I finished high school and gained admission to university and these acts didn’t stop and she continued playing victims to her family, friends and even our pastors,, I became sad and went into depression, I didn’t have anyone to talk to because she didn’t allow me to have friends,so I was alone, and I only have my diary with meso during those years I became a suicidal and she got scared,so I began to retaliate unconsciously for everything she has done to me,I resent her,i abuse her every single time and that even hurts me more,,now she use that against me and tell everyone I want to hit her, I’m always abusing her,,ppl believe whatever ur mom does to u is out of love and u will understand when you grow up, I’m 24 now and I still don’t understand how I should be treated like that,,I still bear grudges against her and I’m scared I’m going to hate her for the rest of my life.
