I have an issue, and I think maybe I’m the one exaggerating or not reasoning properly.
I and my husband are good friends before marriage and I love him and with no doubt he shows how he truly loves me and everyone will be happy to have him in their corner. We’re married legally for almost a year now.
My concerns now are his Exes. He has many but there 3 ladies that are majorly his constant babes. He keeps let’s constant communication with his exes, that they talk atleast once in a month, they update him about their lives and he does the same although he says he doesn’t tell them somethings. There was a certain period when he started his current work, he told me no one was going to know where he works at least for some months till he settles, I went to see him just a month he started his work, he already updated these ladies about it. I felt disappointed because I wasn’t expecting that.
I understand these people claim to be lonely but then must it be my own husband, for Christ sake, I didn’t go to my ex when I wasn’t in a relationship even when he was ready to always listen to me.
When I complain this month and he goes on break for maybe 2 months then they resume conversation the moment they message him.I feel these conversations can end within hours instead of days. And I complain, I cry, he tells me they’re never a threat and I shouldn’t bother.
We’re in different states because of his work, so I go to him atleast every month spend a week or 2.
Of a truth I don’t go through his phone most times but anytime I do, I find something annoying about these ladies especially one lady, lets call her lady E. It is either he texts lady E he misses her or she does, calling her love or babe(when I ask he says it a mistake ), or they she’s happily sending him their pictures , he’s sending her videos of his work, or she seeks for monetary assistance , And they do video calls too . He once told me lady E give a good blow job down to her throat, me I’m not ready to die, I try to satisfy him(he recently says I’m good at it all now)
So this month, I went over to see him, I did check his WhatsApp, I saw he deleted lady E number, and cleared some chats, then I knew something was up, in their recent chat she said she won’t massage him, he makes some jokes with her, he called her love and babe. So I checked his call record and I saw they talk everyday(how did he find time) , video calls, audio, so while I was with him, he won’t call till he leaves home and respond to her or midnight because she recently travelled out of the country. She sends nudes, videos and she send him how she loved so many things about them and he responds well to her.
I cried o, I was broken because I don’t know where i went wrong or if I’m not enough, I don’t call my ex, they’re good people, even the ones we didn’t break up on a good term, I don’t try to mend anything, I give distance to them, I respect their relationships. My male friends don’t even try to bring sexual conversations because of my stand.
So I told him we need to talk and asked him what’sup with this particular ladyE( this lady always cause fight between us since 2020), why his he still talking to her.
He said he needed to clear up some certain rumors about her and him and he has gotten his answers. He apologized , he said I’m enough for him and everything sweet and I said it fine Well I was expecting him not to talk her again abi, since this issue is giving me his wife headache, well my husband didn’t stop, she called him the next day, just after he left the house and he answers her
I let the matter die down, and I told him the day I was leaving back to my base that I want him to stop talking to her, that he doesn’t talk to his other exs like this, baba he said he speak to those ones also every month. I’m loosing my trust in him gradually, because of repeated scenarios. I feel this is infidelity even if he’s not sleeping with them.
I told him to stop taking to them, he gave him a cold response like I’m the one always over thinking things, and they’re no threat to the marriage, that if I like I shouldn’t trust him, that if the marriage breaks because of my thinking and me not trusting him , I know what ends that. Who he talks to should be his own business which I understand . Meanwhile non of this ex are aware we’re married. Although our wedding was a small party with close relatives only.
I cloned his WhatsApp and when I left his place, I checked through, I saw he already called her not quite long I left and she even told him she has menstrual cramps and the likes, I got weak. Because of my husband busy schedule, I know how tiring his work could be , I don’t even tell him when my period starts, so he can focus, he only knows if he calls me during that period and I’m sounding off. For my sanity I deleted the that app.
I am never perfect, Infact I was quite uncultured when I met him as friends, I learnt to be respectful and I’m leaving my bad habit, I speak back to him especially when I’m angry and I tell him sorry, yet I repeat them. I told him to help me and give me time, I am learning to be a better wife, not talking back or shouting at him. I was even amazed the way I asked him about this matter recently because I would have turned it to fight, after I cried and I slept over it then I decided to talk about it. I think this works better for me now.
I stay up late with him on phone,even when I am sleepy, I ensure I am available just to make up for this distance.
My husband is a good person, Infact he’s my best friend, and I am his best friend too. I don’t want another person aside him but his ex thing is majorly the cause of our arguments so far.
I told him he knows I don’t have anyone to tell all these, he said I should go and tell our spiritual leader and I know I will still be blamed for checking his phone and I don’t trust my husband and since he gave me his word I shouldn’t worry( same word he has be giving me since 2020!)
I just want to know, am I wrong?
Wanting him not to have this close relationships with his exes.
should I stop with checking his phone
How do I trust him without doubt again.
I know these people are his ex and he claim they’re good people, am I asking for too much of him .
