Hello, I’m a Nigerian. I haven’t done this before, so pardon my approach. Back when I was younger, life was good with me and family. We stayed in a nice, beautiful and calm environment with a lot of friends. In short, i would say i had a pretty good childhood, but it was short-lived. My Dad was called into ministry, so he quit his job or should I say, had an early retirement. We left that nice environment and relocated to the village where he claimed God called him to begin ministry. I was 8 then, I didn’t have a choice as much as I didn’t like the idea. Plus, I wasn’t the only child and we could only complain silently. Some time passed, money still flowed and we travelled to the UK for a holiday in 2010, I was 9 then. We all had a good time. My Dad promised he’ll take us there soon for another holiday, but not long after he was duped severally, and he lost almost all the money. As at present, we’ve been managing in the village. My parents believe opportunities will come again and that my Dad will be able to keep to his promises, but it’s been twelve long years and I’m 20 already. I don’t really resent them for anything. I don’t hate God either, I just want to get opportunities, I want to find myself too. I’ve been thinking about my life a lot and I want to be independent and alleviate the suffering of my parents. I also want to support my siblings and the ministry, but things aren’t working for me. I feel depressed a lot because I remember my childhood everyday. I miss my old friends, home, school, environment and the life in general. I’m afraid that even though we had left there I haven’t let go of that life. I miss that and I want to experience it again. I don’t know who I am and what I want to be. I don’t laugh wholeheartedly and I’m not really happy even though I pretend in front of my family and friends. I feel heavy in my heart a lot because I want to help people but don’t have the means. I want to make my parents have a comfortable life and laugh again. At this point I want a ray of hope, an assurance that my future isn’t bleak and something good is in store for me. I found out I push forward when I have motivation. I don’t have any motivation no matter how hard I think. I want to retreat and find my motivation. I tried content writing jobs but I only attract scammers. I used to draw and colour as a child and I want to do that again. I think I want to take a break and stop thinking about things I can’t attain and stop expecting things from people. But I don’t know how to go about it.
Anonymous
You mentioned you are trying to find yourself. And its good that you are thinking of that. To be honest, 20 is the age when we are all confused about what we want to be in life or do. Are you currently in the university?
Anonymous
Yes, I’m in the university. I applied for Mass communication about three years ago, but I was given Theatre Arts. I was disappointed at first, but I was advised to accept the course and see where it takes me. I haven’t really found things interesting in the department because of the following reasons;
1. There are little or no facilities for learning.
2 lecturers always extort money from students whenever they get the chance
3. Accomodation, light and water is simply substandard, and,
3. Because it’s a typical Nigerian federal school, there’s always the problem of strike.
I’m supposed to be in my third year, but I’m still in my second because that’s just the federal school system in Nigeria. I would have preferred schooling in a private university, but well it’s not really affordable and the funds weren’t available.
Anonymous
Yea the Nigerian system, we are all victims of it aren’t we?
But I must say you are on a very good path to finding yourself. From the way you write I can easily tell you will do great at writing if you continue at it. Because you write really well. It was quite interesting reading your story to be honest.
Secondly, Well just like you said you have to stop thinking about things you can’t attain and stop expecting things from people. There’s no other way to go about it but to occupy your mind with the things you can attain, for example like the writing.
But I believe you will know best what you want out of life and your future. You are quite young and talented, it will all fall into place very soon, it always does
Anonymous
Thanks for this, I appreciate