when i was little, i’d joke about suicide. about h

when i was little, i’d joke about suicide. about how i understood why people killed themselves and how i’d also kill myself if i wasn’t scared of causing myself pain. my biggest fear is that one day, i’d be in so much pain i’d actually kill myself. this past year has been so tough on me and my mental health. everyday, i feel closer to the edge. i think about getting professional help but they don’t really do that in my country. it’s really sad feeling like i’m crumbling and having no one to talk to.