My girlfriend of 7 years is the love of my life bu

My girlfriend of 7 years is the love of my life but our relationship is complicated and now someone has taken over my place.

I was once married and had kids before I discovered my wife manipulated me into tying the knots. It broke me into tiny little pieces but then I met my girlfriend Lilly (Not real name) and at first we were friends for a long time before we became a couple.

The highlight of my days during that period was driving to her house after work and spending hours talking about our day and the events. I would park in front of their house till her mom came back. It went on for a year, in which time we did other activities like jogging, sight seeing etc.

One year after we both professed our love for each other and our first kiss was magical. We dated for a year and I went for youth service, during which time she got pregnant for me on one of our love making sessions when I visited. We kept the baby. A beautiful baby girl. My sunshine.

Then things became complicated, I think I neglected her sexual needs after childbirth and she had a short fling with two guys I knew about. This broke me cos I didn’t expect us to have the same problems again. So I slept with my ex wife on one of my drunk nights and she got pregnant, kept it till it was late before she told me.

I didn’t know how to tell my girlfriend but some how she accidentally found out and it broke her. I didn’t forgive myself for that pain for a long time till she paid back in another way by having an affair with a returnee. She not only had that affair, she humiliated me with its memory. I was devastated and broken. Our relationship was on and off for years till last year November when she told me she needed space. At first I thought she just wanted to clear her head because she wasn’t intimate with me and anytime I came around she would shun me. I later found out she was dating someone else. She broke up with me when I found out and later came back (I can’t tell why) but after a lot of conversations and tears we came back together till last month when I saw her pictures on a dating site. I sent it to her and she denied she wasn’t the one. I didn’t push it that day so I can calm down. I brought it up another day and took offense and accused me of always suspecting her. I got upset and told her the place looked like a hotel (and it did) so if she was denying her pictures then she definitely was there with another guy.

She said yes (angrily maybe) and that she stayed for 2 nights and was taken care of. That’s she’s been in a relationship and it’s going to a year now and she said a lot of mean things to me like; the guy fcuks her better, their love is not toxic, He’s better than me, and that I shouldn’t come looking for her or call her else she’ll file a restraining order against me.

I’ve kept my distance since then. Not because I’ve stopped loving her. Trust me, I’m suffering from depression And anxiety attacks as I write this because I’ve never pictured anyone else in my future since I met her.

Unfortunately I haven’t been able to move out of my ex’s place because my own place isn’t ready yet (which was one of our issues) and I’m trying not to disturb Lilly because I feel like for her to use such words, she doesn’t care about me anymore and just wants to see me in pains. Also out of self preservation, cos my dignity as a human has been dragged at the feet of other men for long, so I’m taking a bow.

Right now, I’m trying to keep my distance from her and my sunshine (not that I don’t love them), but even my daughter reminds me of her mom and I’m yet to come round to this loss.

I won’t wish her well in her new relationship coz they both damaged me. But I won’t disturb her in it.

I hope I make it out of this alive, but if I don’t, this is my story and she’ll read it someday.

I wasn’t deceiving you, I was working towards giving you the future you’ve always talked about. But I guess, I was always an option for you.