Was born out of wedlock and I left my Mom when I w

Was born out of wedlock and I left my Mom when I was 8,I started staying with my Dad and step mom and was not allowed to visit my mom. My step mom isn’t that bad but let me say, taking care of another woman’s child is never an easy task, so I kind of grew up with little or no mother love or attention (I’m a female child). My Dad is always busy but had tried being but a father and a Mother (I will give him that credit) but I still need my mom. In my quest for love, I started dating at an early age (I’m still a virgin tho). I do crush on people but once you ask me out, the feeling gets dead, I’ve dated alot since I’m 20 now, I’m religious, Feels relationship isn’t about sex and romance some even though I’m a helpless romantic. Now I started crushing on this guy in my church since I was 17, like the others, I felt he was going to ask me out soon(they always ask me out) and soon, the feelings will fade but, he never notice me more than his church member and after a year the feelings were still there. Being usual, we kind of became friends(maybe,I made the first move). We became close that I visit him, spend the night at his place sometimes, and we did kiss maybe more than 10 times in 5 months, nothing much just kissing (I refused to take it further). The closeness only made me love him more when I was thinking it will make me bored of him since that’s what normally happen with other guys. School resume for a new session, but we stopped our romance life,(His idea) but he started acting more like my boyfriend, he notice every single little thing, he corrects me, watch out for me, scold me, care for me, and I don’t know. He knows I love him and I don’t know if he is playing with my feelings since I don’t think he loves me. I’m friends with his roommate who has been crushing on me for ages but, I can’t accept him coz I love his roommate, even though we’ve kissed once, was a mistake though. The main guy in question is also friends with my roommate so the four of us hang out together sometimes. Since this session, he doesn’t like me going out to anywhere with his roommate alone, even if he don’t want to go, once he hear I’m coming along, he will come. The feelings keep increasing daily that I’m scared I might be obsess with him. He is handsome and very talented that he has girls, beautiful girls flocking around him daily. I feel he is watching out for me just as a friend but I want more, I want to love him and be loved by him and sometimes, I want to stop loving him coz the feeling is killing me within, feeling of unrequinted love