So i catch my boyfriend cheating, he does not cons

So i catch my boyfriend cheating, he does not consider flirting with other girls to be cheating, so he does it. Sometimes i live in with him at his house, recently he started to do it with his neighbour, i caught him, he appologised and just two weeks later he was back at it. I tried to leave but we have dated for almost 4 years now, i feel betrayed nd insecure, i am paranoid and sometimes the whole stuff randomly pops into my head. I love him, but i dont know how to cope. We have both discussed this , and we have aknowledged that the problem is his not recognising flirting as cheating and hurtfull. I still get pannic attacks, my heart still hurts. I really need a friend to talk to because he is no emotionally unavailable. Im not sure i can express what i am feeling without us getting into a banter, and i honestly dont have the strength for banter, or emotional
Strength. I just sit sometimes and cry , i break down sometimes. I feel humiliated, i feel really ugly, i feel insufficient. I feel like nothing, like i am not worth someones commitment. And i have been so good to him. I am hurting, i dont want to talk to anyone i know.