The first real relationship I had,I was just a gir

The first real relationship I had,I was just a girl struggling for admission,this guy is a Level 2 student,he works and school too,and Me too I work but half of the money I earn I spend on this guy,over time I kept spending for this guy and got nothing from him,I gained admission,I was schooling and working,I pay all my bills myself at the same time I still spend for this guy,he graduated and started nysc,I was still sending this guy money,till he finished nysc I didn’t get a single dime from this guy,that’s when it dawned on me that this guy might just be using me,I was hurt and broken,we later broke up,after a year and half I met another guy we were coursemates we started dating eventually,but I still found myself spending for this new guy again,he sometimes borrow money from me,when his phone got missing I added money for him to get a new phone,I help this guy in any way I could,I wasn’t rich,I am just a student who work and school,I miss classes most Times because of work, I pay my school fees and every single bills myself, and yet I still spend for a man,I am so pathetic 😭..I got a new laptop gave this guy to be using since am always working,,then all of a sudden this guy asked me to borrow him my laptop he wants to travel,I said no..I told him no clearly because I watch movies and do school stuffs with the laptop so he can’t take it,he said ok,,after two days I didn’t see this guy in my house,,I called and he kept giving me excuses to my greatest shock this guy left with my laptop..he didn’t even had the guts to tell me,,I only got a call from his brother apologizing to me for what his brother did,.i immediately broke down..i tried calling this guy all he could tell me is he was desperate,that he was seriously desperate,,he dropout from school qnd left…I cried and cried,this laptop was something I could show forth as my hard earned labor,I know how many months I saved to buy this laptop… beyond the laptop I felt betrayed,,how could this guy I trusted do this to me…it’s been like 5months now,I am still yet to heal from all this..was I brought to this world to work and give men the money?…do u think I can ever love a guy again,,will I ever be able to heal…I am writing this with tears in my eyes,,am I am hurt,still hurt from all the pains from my first ex,to this present ex..they all used me and broke me down..I feel used, my mental health is breaking,this is just a tip of all the hurts I have been through in my life…this is just a bit summary of the story..I wish I could share everything maybe it will help me heal..I am broken..I don’t think I can and will ever love and open up to a man again,.I am already broken…I have never gotten a real gift from any man I dated,am not asking for much but at the very least,..I feel so ashamed and pathetic I don’t want to ever love again because am so scared I might get used and left broken again,,I am truly scared,I might need to get a therapist to get over this fear,,this guys destroyed my mental health…