I feel stupid for collecting that bag or the money

I feel stupid for collecting that bag or the money, i feel stupid for making him feel its this easy. I feel stupid for reassuring the one who hurt me of love. No!! No such thing as that. You have hurt me . Im finding it hard to heal. My world is upside down. I am in pain. I am tired. I am hurting. Everybody is happy but me. This suckks!!! You got attracted to some one else not me . You hold my hands tell me you love me and two minute. You are in her dm calling her your baby girl, telling her you care for her. Telling her shes a sexy goddess telling her she missed your touch thats why shes sick, and that she will forever be your baby. Using me to play games. Having me in this humiliating mistress situation. Having her call me your madam , your anty, having her think there was something between the both of you, having other people think the same while i am with you , making them either pity me for being so innocent, or think im making a fool of my self. Having her friends try yo make you get in a relationship with her, all along lying to me. Gaslighting me. Defending her. Shes not even preety. Lying to me. I know youve touched insproiprately. I feel my revenge is to hurt you back, but i dont know how. My heart is hurting. I feel like a worthless empty bag. Something not to be cherished, something to be lied to . I want to cry all the time. Because i loved. I wish i did not love. I wish i played. I wish i did not trust. I wish i played. I wish i did not belive in you or what we had . I would hace been in control i would have been happier.